This will pair nicely with “I Hate Everything” by Action Bronson
Edit 1 – April 9, 2025 – 5:59 am
Those who know me well, know that my hatred runs very deep. I spare no one. Dead to me is exactly that. I think sometimes that for me, I just need to talk shit and vent about that hate. I don’t need to actually be making a salient point. I just want to express that I hate you. I hope I can achieve that here.
To describe the NFL as an organization that damns you to hell would be an understatement. There’s no person in that building that can actually think they’ll know serene peace for their robbery and theft of value from the players. Functionally useless and just a literal shield for billionaire interests. Generations of the most talented athletes in the world get to choose from the worst oligarchs in the world (in the eras where they were allowed Free Agency that is).
Some of you may be thinking, “why not attack a decision maker like Goodell?!” Stupid question, he would have to actually make a decision of his own to be attacked. There has ne’er been a more spineless position than that of Commissioner. The role should be renamed to “Billionaire Sock Puppet” or something cute like “Chief Concussion Denialist”. I like those, they have some good ring to them.
Its silly to consider that the players could exist without these super necessary owners. They literally could not earn money without them. I mean guys, who the fuck would watch the Cowboys without the promise of a daily Jerry Jones press conference. Why would anyone ever watch Saquon Barkley run! I am certain that ESPN would never want to film that without billionaires. Literally the sport would be unwatchable without the people taking away pass interference reviews, and denying the players pensions and lifetime healthcare. Insane for anyone to think that a world could exist without billionaires running sports. Who would force their executives to throw entire seasons away for a chance at a maybe good quarterback (or Daniel Jones). Its not like Tom Brady falls in the Draft!!! You would have to be so fucking stupid to think, that these deals would be made for the players. Who would pay them? How would the billions in revenue and TV deals be split? Its like almost impossible to do that without a billionaire taking a significant cut to split it up. I mean, they pay for those stadiums, right? The infrastructure is not maintained by those cities, is it? This league would be fucking useless. We are all just too stupid to understand. I mean who would decide when it is right to uproot teams and move them? That would be very hard for fans to commit to! We could not have like fan control or anything. Its not like fans ever invest anything anyways.
I was thinking about getting a jersey the other day, but I couldn’t settle on the best jersey. An obvious front runner as one of the highest paid QBs is Deshaun Watson. Its easy to settle with him, but I don’t want anyone to associate me with Clemson. Maybe, Aaron Rodgers? I did smoke weed for the first time last week and he makes some really good points about the hatman’s globe earth but he’s not even on a team right now. Maybe, Justin Tucker? Crazy he is still in the league, right? I mean with a career1 season, and he is still adding to his record every day. Maybe, Harrison Butker? No, I don’t want people to think I hate women.
Maybe, I look at like dropshipper.suckmyass and try to buy a classic jersey though.
Its not like there’s any way to do that for most legacy players anyways. Think of the costs of printing unique numbers and names that have already been printed in the past!
I sip some coffee, how about OJ Simpson? One of the most prolific runners of his era.
Crazy to think how little we talk about the implication of the OJ case. He had CTE so bad that he is a danger to himself and everyone around him at his worst. I am sure he was just “like that” though. Football had no part in that whatsoever, so the NFL should not be held accountable nor should it provide players with medical help if they have CTE. Its not like the NFL is some billion-dollar organization that could (theoretically) spring into action to innovate and research and change the conversation about CTE. It’s not like they could currently provide players with lifesaving care and aid for themselves and their families.
I awake from a fugue state to keep browsing dropshipper.suckmyass for my next jersey. I see a cheese yellow that catches my eye. Brett Favre! Oh wait, the link is bugged? Oh no! The good folks at dropshipper.suckmyass just stole my credit card and bought a volleyball facility in Mississippi. Damn, I think I lost all my hard earned OBJ coin too. Man, that sucks, that wallet was worth like $12 yesterday. Its going to be hard to buy a jersey now with no money. I might have to come back to this later. Who knows though, maybe the billionaires will just, like, let me have one. I hear that they just trickle things down to us fans.
Really good things too, like the best things. The best things you have ever seen! A game in Germany! A game in England! Someday, you will have a team there ya know? Aren’t you so excited?! I mean, I have always wanted to go to London. Its so cheap nowadays. Its only like 20 hours with layovers, and maybe like $1300. Me, as a simp for billionaires will naturally be blessed with the funds to support my team on the road. Its not like the ticket for the London game will be an additional $300 (jesus fucking christ when Tottenham’s Europa League games are $56vs Eintracht Frankfurt April 10, 2025 ).
You know what else sucks about being scammed by dropshipper.suckmyass ? I won’t be able to afford a $17 beer. It is a modern tragedy that. Could you imagine buying like 6 beers for that? In a bucket with ice? Oh, fuck I forgot, the billionaires would not be able to make any money. Such a shame that.
Where was I? I was talking about how these guys were going to rot in that totally real hell we all like to think punishes people we want punished in real life. Yeah, that sounds right…
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